We’re here in the Bronx; we’ve been here a while. She has had to keep the charade about my due date up, even still. The real date is coming up, I’m getting close, I can tell, but she’s been talking as if I should have been here a long time ago! I don’t like coming into the world among all these lies; and as we’ll see later, it really messed up my head for a long time.
The tumor has continued to grow. I stopped working on it a while ago, but once you set something into motion, it can take on a life of its own. I nestle behind it, and I’ve gotten into a comfortable ball. Not comfortable, but as comfortable as possible under the circumstances. My claustrophobia is the worst it’s ever been; I am crazy if I allow myself to focus on my situation. I want to flail my arms and legs and push out from every direction; that would blow my “dead” act, so I refrain myself with all my will. I spend most of my time in my mantra world, keeping myself calm.
She went to the Doctor here in the Bronx. It’s been a while now. They’re waiting. I guess there’s some “magic moment” and I’m supposed to work my way out of this hell hole. Well, there’s no way that’s happening now! Not with this tumor in the way, even if I wanted to, which I don’t. The Doctor had a hard time hearing my heartbeat. Told her it sounded weak and “there might be something wrong with the baby.” I forgot they would also weigh her. She’s continued to gain weight, which is messing with my “dead” act. If I were dead she wouldn’t be gaining weight. Unless she was just being piggy.
“You need to get ready.” “I don’t need to get ready; I’m not going.” “Look, we have time to go through this one more time, if you want a review.” “I’m not going.” “Yes. Yes you are. The Universe is counting on you; we’re counting on you! You’re not alone, and you won’t ever be alone! We’ll always be here with you, all you ever need to do is just ask and we’re right here. Never forget that; it would be your only doom. You must not forget.” “Ok, ok, ok! We’ve been over this a million times!” “Remember, there are others; when the time comes, there will be many others who will help bring the message forward.” “Good, so if there are so many others, let me out of this and I’ll go back and find a better match. I do not like this host; do not like her at all!!!” “Well, figure it out; spend your time praying. There’s nothing to do and you can not change hosts at this point; this whole time thing is tricky and everything is in place, there’s no going back now and changing things. Besides you need her. She’s smarter than you are and there are not many like that. “AAAAGGGGGGG!!!!!!!! Why? Why? Why? Why me? Why this mission, this assignment? Why? It seems impossible.” “What makes you special is you are smart, extremely smart, and it will take the smartest to understand all the science, history, spirituality and successfully put it all together and then convey it to others. This species must develop; they must change their DNA and elevate, some will call it evolve, but it’s not that. You have help show people how to develop what they already have to take advantage of their innate ability to manifest all that they need. They have forgotten they are all one; they are all source, they are all divine substance. Everything is one, connected, everything is a result of thought and thought is all. Something has gone dreadfully wrong with our experiment and some how this species has forgotten everything they came here knowing. It will take smart leaders to show the way back to Oneness. Duality and polarity have interfered with the energy of spirit; the effects of gravity have influenced and increased the effects of duality and polarity, significantly” “Zzzzzzzzzzzzz. I’ve heard this already, blah, blah, blah. I still don’t understand why ME?!” “Why you? It’s ‘this.” “Huh?” “This right here; you are going to remember this. Babies forget everything. We’ve discovered, that’s part of the problem. This whole “Let’s create Heaven on Earth, so we can experience all the beauty and creation,” has not gone as we thought! It’s been a bit of a nightmare. The Universe is all about LOVE; it is “UNI-VERSE” after all! Uni = ONE. We didn’t realize taking physical form would have such a dramatic effect on our unity. “Darned gravity,” that’s what you always say.” “Lots of us say that. I’m still not getting why me.” “You volunteered.”
When I heard those words, the hair on the back of my neck, if I’d had them, would have stood up. I goosebumps covered me, yes, even in the womb. I realized with dread that yes, I had in fact volunteered. I had not suspected when I did, that my host would be such a distasteful energy. I HAD volunteered, I remember! Oh, it IS important, now that I focus on the mission and not my miserable mother….it’s all important. It is the difference between Humanity achieving Enlightenment, evolving our concepts beyond the duality and polarity. We’ve already had an Atlantis; we failed miserably in that world and it should serve an example to this one, but that hasn’t worked either. My personal theory has always been that it’s been gravity. All that exists in the Universe, we, Mind, created. Well, that’s a tricky business, even if we are all one, all-knowing. We figured out a way to keep things from flying off into space; we didn’t test it out first though, we just implemented it. We’re all one so there’s no one to blame but ourselves; all of us. Oh, now I remember! We, all Source, were conferring, vibrating, meditating on how to bring Unity to Earth, which would, in turn, bring Peace. Unity of Universal Source will restore our personal ability to manifest what we need and will end poverty; it will bring Global Equality. It will end all fear, for if we can each manifest all that we need, what is there to fear? I remember the pitch made of needing smart, personable, funny, intelligent, quick to learn, hard-working, dedicated volunteers to take part in the Ultimate Peace and Unity Movement. We love us; we must fix this mess We must Save the Earth. Many expected me to take part; I could feel the pressure, the importance, of the mission. Then my soul mate nudged me and said:
“Let’s go, let’s do this. It’ll be fun. I know you can do it. I’ll go and support you.” “Really? You’d do that?” “Oh, baby, for you, I’d do anything, you know that.” “Really? Seriously?!” “Yes, yes, yes!!!” “OK, I’ll volunteer. But I want you waiting there for me, ok? The second I’m out of here! Oh, I can’t wait to hug you in the flesh!! It such a great experiment, just for that, the ability to hug!” “You know it doesn’t work that way. I’ll be there when you really need me, and not before. Before there will be others to guide you along the way and help you. You’ll always have support.” “This is big. A lot of responsibility. Are you sure?” “Absolutely!” he said, and with that I knew.
It all rushed back into my mind, all the conversations, all the plans. There will be many of us who will all emerge at “the right time” whenever that is. It’s not clear to me how we’ll know when that is, but everyone says not to worry about that. I’ll know, they say. I wish I’d remembered about him before growing this tumor. I wonder what damage I’ve done?! No answers came, so I focused on the comfort that all is always as it is and that no matter what, I’d be ok. Any day now, sigh. Ready or not……
Thank you, Dear Reader,
until next time, With Great Love,
<3 LAMP <3
P.S. I welcome your comments and questions.