I’m in this room with all the other babies, but I’m in a special corner. I guess my face is still a bit messed up and they don’t want me scaring the other parents. I haven’t been taken to my Mother yet, but I hear she’s been asking about me. Another day or so they say. The Doctor from yesterday was in to see me this morning. Smoothed my face around a bit. He doesn’t seem too concerned and says that in another few days his adjustments will hold. I have overheard the Nurses talking; my Mother’s not taking things too well.
At least she has her Mother, my Grandmother with her to keep her company and comfort her; I’m all alone! I’ve listened to everyone talking; trying to learn more about where we are. We’re in the United States now, in New York, in the Bronx, at the Children’s Hospital. My Grandmother must live near here. I haven’t met her yet; I haven’t met anyone except the Doctors & Nurses.
I’ve been looking for “him” but I haven’t found him yet. I don’t like it here. I wish he was here with me; at least then it would be bearable. Where is he??
“You’ll find him when the time is right.” “Oh sure, what does that mean? I thought he promised he’d be here waiting.” “You mis-understood. He’ll be here, when you need him, when you are ready for him, and not a moment sooner.” “Can’t I just go back? Do I have to stay here? I really don’t like this place.” “No.”
Here comes one of the nurses…..
“Hello you cute little redhead! How is my little sweetie today? Oh, look at that sweet little smile! Oh you precious little thing!” She’s gently caressing my face. “Oh, that bad, bad tumor! What a mess it made of you. But it’s ok little Lynda, we’re going to fix you up just fine. The Doctor’s done a great job, you’re beautiful, don’t you worry!” Now she’s changing me. No, she’s undressed me, but now she’s carrying me somewhere naked! “Don’t you worry Miss Lynda, I just need to slip you on the scale,” she whispers to me. “Things were in such a panic yesterday when they cut you out or your Mother, I forgot to weigh you! Don’t tell anyone!”
She’s being so sweet to me, I really want to like this woman. But was she the one who fainted yesterday? And she forgot to weigh me. How good at her job can she be; I mean, isn’t there like a routine they follow when babies are born? Don’t they have a checklist they have to follow?! I hope she doesn’t drop me!
Whispering again, “Seven pounds, twelve ounces! That’s a nice healthy weight! You see, little girl, they told us it was a dead birth. You were alive in there!” She starts chuckling quietly to me, “That was so funny, when the Doctor lifted the tumor out, and there you were, and you moved! The Doctor jumped and that silly Assistant let out a squeak and fainted! I wasn’t ready at all; I forgot to write your time of birth down, forgot to weigh you, what a mess! But you are so totally worth it little girl, so totally worth it. Look at you, watching me with those brown eyes of yours. What a sweetie you are!
Lynda, that’s my name?! I thought she was going to name me Merry! I don’t start crying but I’m having a hard time containing my sadness. I remember hearing the discussions. The holiday Christmas is sometime soon, and I thought she had decided to name me Merry in honor of the holiday. Instead, she has named me after herself. I comfort myself by sucking on my index and middle fingers.
“It’s ok, we know the name disappoints you, but this is what it is.” “I want ‘Merry’ for my name! What a great name that is! This is a difficult life, I want a happy name! “Yes, we understand. And we understand that you’ll think it’s all about her ego, which, at the moment, it is. When you understand the bigger picture though, you’ll be ok, happy even.” “No way I’ll be happy with her going around introducing us as ‘Lyn & Lynda!’ No! I don’t like this woman; I want to go home!” “Do you remember you are here to do something? You are here on a mission. You are to become a lamp to the world, a light and leader. You play a major role, the name is part of it. It’ll be ok, trust us.”
I console myself by sucking on my fingers. No point in crying, won’t do any good. I suck my fingers and wait. This now is ok; the nurses are nice and take good care of me. I am dreading meeting my Mother, but I don’t think about that. I try to stay right here, focused in the moment, trying to glean some comfort and happiness. I comfort myself thinking about my Soul Mate, who is out there somewhere; I’ll find him soon, surely……
Thank you for your time, Dear Reader!
Namaste’
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