As I watched this activity stream by in the feed I found myself wondering why I didn’t just slide my mouse around and click “Join This Group.”
It’s not as if I don’t agree with the notion; I DO, 100%! So what in the world, I began to wonder, was my problem?! I began to question my honesty, wondering if I was secretly prejudiced, or believed that couples of the same-sex were not entitled to the same rights as “the rest” of us. But when I’d start mentally down that path I’d come up short, because my every fiber would contradict me. I DO believe in equality, I DO NOT have a problem with same-sex marriage, but wait, even as I type those words, yes I do…?
Then, another friend would join the group, and again, my hand would hesitate, hover my pointer over the “Join This Group” link without clicking. I’m usually doing at least 5 things at any given moment, so the pause to contemplate the problem would be brief. The realization that I must think more on it would send me on to the next task at hand, with this, an important social statement left for another day.
Round and round I found myself going, “I don’t have a problem with same-sex marriage,” but knowing at some deep level of my being, that “I do have a problem with same-sex marriage,” I must, or I’d join that group to show my support. Each time I’d see another friend join, I go through the same circular process, never dedicating the necessary attention to it to solve my problem or come up with an answer about what my problem was.
My lack of support for the Group really began to eat at me. Maybe there’s even a little “peer pressure” I was imagining. Friends would notice my lack of joining and someone would eventually demand that I explain myself! One young man in particular has sent me three invitations, or reminders, to join, and I’ve ignored every one. 🙁 I knew it was only a matter of time.
After several weeks of this turmoil and discomfort I finally decided to tackle this dilemma during one of our twice weekly steam baths. There’s something special about sitting naked in 260 degree heat, at least for me. Over the years I’ve learned that those physical influences, of intense heat and steam, can help me strip away the layers, not just of external dirt, but also layers of haze in my brain, and with diligent attention focused on a problem, it was possible for me to achieve enlightenment in that setting. Sometimes that enlightenment is augmented by my husband, whose wise insight will help me along; sometimes I just sit quietly stewing, until I work it out on my own. Never, though, have I been disappointed. I think that’s really the way life works – when we are ready, truly ready, we are rewarded with results.
So there I was, hot, sweaty, tussling with this whole issue, picking at my brain over and over, like a kid with an itchy scab. I tuned into my stomach and paid attention to the sensations I was feeling as I turned the words over and over, and suddenly, there it was! Enlightenment!!
It isn’t the act of same-sex marriage that bothers me. It isn’t what it represents; it isn’t the equal rights; it isn’t anything like that. It is, quite simply, the words. Same-Sex Marriage. Those words.
Whenever I hear those words, think those words, read those words, write those words, something happens to me. It’s subtle, and I’m tempted to call it more of a visceral reaction than anything. Before you rush to judgement, hear me out (because I think the real key here, is that I am not alone)!
Once I realized that it was specifically a phrase that was bugging me, I turned my attention to that phrase. The word “marriage” and the phrase “holy matrimony” have been used from the beginning of time to describe unions between men and women. Being gay, or having same-sex couples is nothing new. For as long as there has been marriage, there have also been gay couples, both men and women.
It took society eons to get to the point where we can discuss this openly. Here’s what it really all boils down to: if we persist in trying to legalize “same-sex marriage” we’ll be discussing it for another eon!
I am 100% convinced, if we change the words we use, change the phrase, omit the word marriage and substitute something else in its place, a word that doesn’t have the history of time behind it, a phrase that doesn’t elicit the same emotional response, a phrase that doesn’t offend the religious, we could have what we want, and we could have it soon!
So how about it? Change the name of that Facebook group to: “I bet we can find 1,000,000 people who support Human Union For All,” and I’ll join!
If you agree, please spread the word!
As my husband was quick to remind me when I shared the draft of this post with him, the real point and the place this change must occur is at the legal level. Marriage Certificates or Certificates of Marriage, become Human Union Certificates or Certificates of Human Union; Marriage Licenses become Human Union Licenses. To achieve equality for all, we must all endorse and enforce this change, unilaterally. Fundamental to this movement must be a cease and desist order when it comes to discussing the sex of the people forming the Union! By changing the words we use, suddenly there is no need to even mention the issue of sex; we will finally have equality for all.
There will still be the word “marriage” in our dictionary, we’ll still use the word in conversation, and perhaps some will still use it on their invitations, but when all our legal documents use the word “Union,” this problem of ours is solved!
If you would support the formation of a new Facebook group with the new name, or have other ideas to improve on this, please send your comments. Tweet the idea if you Twitter. Email the link to this post to everyone in your address book.
With the power of the Internet, and the mass communication capabilities of this 21st Century, we could make this a done deal in short order!
Thank You Dear Reader,
P.s. I welcome your comments and questions.